What we choose to share and our first collective experiment

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

“That would make a great LinkedIn post!”—I found myself thinking while writing what felt like a profound personal a-ha moment. As soon as I finished that thought, I was hit by a feeling that this was wrong.

Argh, really, again this? I’ve been here before—five times in one week, to be precise.

I’ve been thinking about the “share versus keep” dilemma five times in one week. Fleeting. A question here, a sentence there, a little graph also.

This thing wants to come out. And it’s coming out here, today.

It’s the first reflection piece I write here or anywhere that’s not work-related.
And it’s so fitting, given the topic. It’s almost ironic, really. 😅

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There are more than 300 of you here by now, which brings me joy! Thank you.😍
I’m launching the first collective experiment today.
Scroll to the bottom to find out what it is, and I hope you’ll join me.
Exclusive for IRrEGULAR LEtTER readers.

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The share argument

There’s this popular philosophical question you might have heard before:
“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

The Urban Dictionary explains it as “the ineffectiveness of unheard opinions or thoughts.”

When it comes to ideas, thoughts, insights, and inner dialogue, sharing is the sound they make so that others can perceive them as existing.

In today’s letter, I’ll refer to one-to-many sharing as opposed to the one-to-one, confidante kind of sharing.

In the past, the circle of the “many” was small, and you usually knew everyone.
First came the newspapers, radio, and TV, but they were all gated and reserved for a few. Then came the World Wide Web and removed all the gates for anyone with access to a smartphone and internet.

Technology stretched that circle to the world’s edges. Today, online, anything you share has equal chances to be seen by no one, or be seen by everyone.
Toto, we’re definitively not in Kansas anymore.

This type of sharing is both hard and easy.
Some are ‘a natural’. We’ve seen the rise of influencers. Others can’t bring themselves to do it.

I am neither. I had to learn how it’s done.
And I stick with it because it has brought me so much.

Here’s a little story.

• Six years ago, I was living in Barcelona, had a full time job, and my circle were my family, friends and colleagues at work. My thoughts weren’t making a sound for anyone else except those in my close vicinity.

• Today, I am running my ‘own thing’. I met brilliant, kind, and inspiring people from all over the world and got to create stuff with some of them. I get asked to share my thoughts on stages and podcasts, and my thoughts are making sounds on all the world’s continents. It all started with sharing.
  Think about it for a second…Isn’t that just utterly crazy and wild?

It really isn’t about “back then was bad, and today is good.” That’s not what I am saying because that’s not what it is.
It’s about how today surprises me.

My whole life, I used to have to create new pathways, find new doors, and build new windows for myself, particularly professionally. There was strategy involved. I want to get there? I need to do this, then that. Plan A. Then B. I’ll figure it out.

Sharing enabled something that felt like magic.
Ever had something “fall into your lap”?
Ever had things “come to you”?
Ever had others create pathways, find new doors, and build new windows FOR YOU?

It felt like magic then, and every time after that, and I don’t think it will ever feel like anything else.

As a community builder and a believer in social and peer learning, sharing has a pretty big role in my life. It helps me:
—Be intentional about how I express my thoughts in writing.
—Exchange ideas, insights, and feedback with others. These conversations often lead to great opportunities to learn, travel, speak, create, collaborate, and think new thoughts about things.
—Build a visible collection of stuff I think and care about.
—Feel that I am contributing something to someone.

In my little weird world, I believe it makes a difference.

If I mentor you, you can bet I’ll tell you at least once to share your process, progress, and lessons learned with the world.

Scratch that: I’ll hammer learning in public and sharing your work any chance I get!
Social media, newsletter, podcast?—Good! Communities?—Better!

“I don’t have anything to share” is the most common objection I hear. It’s also what kept me from sharing. Then, I learned that what I share doesn’t need to be original. It also doesn’t need to be my own. So start there.

What to share with the many

Austin Kleon’s view on sharing is very human, honest, and down-to-earth.

1—The best way to get started on the path to sharing your work is to think about what you want to learn, and make a commitment to learning it in front of others.

2—Make stuff you love and talk about stuff you love and you’ll attract people who love that kind of stuff. It’s that simple.

—Austin Kleon

Sharing generously hasn’t harmed me yet. Quite the opposite: It had brought me in front of inspiring people and fantastic opportunities more times than I can count.

But it would be a lie to tell you it’s all roses and rainbows.
Every coin has two sides.

Sharing has two sides

I truly believe that sharing is crucial for learning. Nothing grows in isolation.
Sharing brings feedback and creates real opportunities in real life.
But it also puts us in a vulnerable light. When you share, you expose yourself.
Your soul is bleeding through every single thing you put out there.

You can only control what you share, not what reactions it will trigger. If you are not careful, you’ll attach value to other people’s responses to your sharing.

Yet, what comes back is not an assessment of the value of your thinking, your work, or yourself. Not really.
What comes back is information. Data.
That you can choose to use.
Or not.

Choose what you share wisely.
Then, be wise in choosing what you do with the echo.

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Another popular saying goes something like “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.
What I hear is “value is in the eye of the receiver”.

Are we still creating if no other person sees our creations?
What’s the value of the things we choose not to share?

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The keep argument

What does ‘being successful’ mean?
For many of us, it means being in the front, in the spotlight, on the stage, and having others look at you with admiration. Historically, this position was reserved for famous actors, writers, singers and supermodels, and later for visionary CEOs and tech ‘disruptors’.

Then social media came, provided access to a wealth of information, and made the world a smaller place.
It also gave each one of us a stage. Anyone can go “viral” overnight.

Once you’re on the wheel (and the wheel is spinning), you get the high of the “sharing and connecting and contributing and feeling seen” energy sweeping you off your feel. And the last thing you know, you must always be ON.

We seem to have accepted the job of the curator as providing a list of links with some commentary on an organized schedule. But this format is subject to the same accidental property of social media; ephemerality. […] What’s amazing is how chronological feeds — essentially accidental experiments of digital architecture — have rewired our brains. In the feed, everything is fleeting. This design property means you’re either always on and connected, or you’re off and wondering if you’re missing something important. 

—From Check your Pulse #55 by sari azout

But here’s the thing. While social media is free, it doesn't come cheap.
The price we’re paying is getting higher by the day.
We’re selling our thoughts for likes while being robbed of our attention.

Wait. Is this capitalism of thoughts?
Ok, wow, this took a turn. Are you still with me? 😁

If we sell our thoughts for likes, what are we left with?

Six years ago, I made social media (Linkedin) and communities (L&D Shakers), the home of my public thoughts. But does sharing need to happen on social media?

As a consultant, I feel I HAVE TO BE ACTIVE on social media. How will my clients find me otherwise?
I stopped one day to think if people can be “successful” without being online. Cillian Murphy was the first person to come to mind. Stop it, I know. I could have done better.
But hear me out. He’s not on any social media. He didn’t even know what a meme was. And yet, somehow, miraculously, he’s a world-renowned actor and creates a beautiful offline, private life for himself and his family.

I went on a quest (online, of course; the irony is not lost on me, don’t worry), and I have found 100 ways to share your work + life that aren’t social media, by Amelia Hruby (Who also hosts the Off the Grid—a podcast for small business owners who want to leave social media without losing all their clients). My favourites:

• Make a zine

• Chalk the sidewalk

• Join a penpal exchange

• Put up a flyer at a local coffee shop

• Hell, place an ad on a billboard!

• Make stickers & stick them all over town

• Buy domain names for popular things you do and reroute them to your website

“But Anamaria, THIS IS STILL SHARING!!”
I hear you. You’re right. I’m back. [Can you tell I’m a sharer?]

Sooooo….What should be shared, and what should stay hidden?

Here’s what it looks like for me. I share the things of the brain. And I keep the things of the heart secret.

Like anything in life, this story has two sides as well.

Keeping to yourself has two sides

When all is said and written, the big question I am left with is this:

What essence do you have that’s so sacred and precious that you don’t want to share it with the world?

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Some parting reflection words

You don’t share at all? It will protect you from the world, but not from yourself.
Do you share too much? It connects you to the world, but it isolates you from yourself.

The balance is, once again, the answer.

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I’m looking for ‘mad scientists’ who are curious about collective sharing experiences.

When I started IRrEGULAR LEtTER, I wanted it to become a space where I could experiment—not only with what and how I write but also with running small and playful experiments with others.

Ideas came to me from all sorts of places, and I now have a wishlist of experiments that reads: “TornTaking”/ “Humanity Line” / “The city. A Museum.” / “Tangents,” / “Crooked Lines,” “Stranger Notes,” and more. I love them! 😁

This topic was the perfect invitation to release the first one into the world.

Welcome to: “Pour Your Soul.”

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What if there could be a different way to connect with others online?

A small group of 30 strangers writing to each other.
Each person chooses what to share and how much.
No likes. No comments. No chance of anything going viral.
Everything happens over email; nothing lands on social media.

The experiment starts in September and runs for three months.
When done, the group will meet for a sync online reflection session to discuss what we observed, felt, and learned about our group-sharing behaviours.

Here’s how it works:
—Every week, you get an email inviting you to share your update with the group.
—Every Friday, at 10:00 AM CEST/ GMT+2, everyone who contributed an update receives an email with everyone’s updates.
—Imagine it like a weekly group journal.
—You don’t see anyone’s updates if you don't share. No email will reach you.

Do you want in?
Please raise a hand only if you’re committed to giving the experiment a chance and seeing what it does to you and to us as a group.

Drop your email in this form.
Submission deadline is August 31st.
First come, first served.
That’s all! ✌️

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This newsletter is how I share what I am learning and discovering with the world, with no paywall involved. If you’ve found something useful here and would like to say “thanks”, buy me a coffee and I’ll feel most appreciated.

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Until next time, stay curious out there!
Anamaria